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  • Writer's pictureAiysha Hall

When Dating Leaves You Broken...and Still Single


(long sigh) Today’s post is a little different in that I’m going to share with you something that I’ve only shared with one other person. My stomach is jittery just thinking about it because it is so personal; but I know that helping others sometimes means being vulnerable, and oftentimes requires stepping out of your comfort zone.

I’m pretty sure the level of discomfort I feel right now dulls in comparison to the brokenness expressed by the young lady I recently met whose world, in her mind, crumbled when she parted ways with her boyfriend of nearly 10 years.

These butterflies in my stomach…they’d likely be traded, without hesitation, for the loneliness depicted in a picture I watched my friend doodle on an old gum wrapper more than 20 years ago – the one that said: 'I ♥ nobody'; the same friend who has now replaced ‘nobody’ with an actual somebody who, unfortunately treats her like she’s nobody.

Yep. Today’s post is going to be different. It has to be different. It has to be different my friend, for the young lady trying to process her break-up, and for those of you reading this who either know someone, or are the one who has not yet realized that when it comes to relationships, you are worth God’s best. And despite what people may say, despite what you may think, God’s best is out there. But here’s the thing: you won’t see it – not until you let go of everything clouding your judgement -- people, feelings, lies (including the ones you’ve told yourself), unrealistic expectations -- they all get in the way of, or delay our chance to experience God’s best.

But if what I’m getting ready to share with you will help you to see beyond where you are; if it will help draw a clear contrast between the relationship you think you want and the one God wants you to have; if it will compel you to uphold godly standards, and put you in a better position to experience God’s best, then all jitters aside, here’s my story:

 

"RELEASE"*

by Aiysha (Coulter) Hall

It seems like frustration comes easier these days, and waking up on the wrong side of the bed has gone from being just a cliché to a way of life

For no apparent reason the sight of you bothers me, the thought of you annoys me, and the sound of your voice just ticks me off!

Yeah, frustration comes easier these days…

But – you said all the right things, everything I wanted to hear

A gentle kiss from your lips assured me there'd be no more tears, but…yesterday I cried

Frustration comes easier these days, ‘cause I’m left wondering if today I crossed your mind…

Why on earth am I investing so much time entertaining thoughts of you?

He who knows not the worth of the precious jewel that is me

He who knows not the worth of the precious jewel that is me

He who knows not the worth of the precious jewel…

That is me

See, I didn’t know my worth

I spent too much time measuring and justifying your worth to me

But now I can honestly say that I know what it’s like to have nothing

The Word says, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?”

But what did it profit me to gain a man and lose my soul?

Frustration comes easier these days because I existed for you

And in you, my once quiet existence became this clamorous non-existence I couldn’t run away from

For it continually insisted that I open my eyes to the reality of this fairy tale

This convoluted fantasy that had me consumed, bound and unable to break free from the vain imaginations of the precious jewel that is me

See, I too am to blame for the frustration that comes easier these days

I let India convince me that you were “The Truth”

She made me believe I’d found my “Beautiful Surprise”

It’s amazing how a simple melody makes appealing even the boldest of lies

My quest for love wrought a twisted misconception of where our on-again-off-again existence was truly destined to go and develop

I let you envelop me.

I let you envelop me with empty promises of working things out

Hopes of a solution to rectify our polluted union suppressed my fears of losing you

Frustration comes easier these days because, focused on what I couldn’t control I lost sight of me

You lost sight of “we” and regained focus on “she” whom you said hurt you once before

Frustration comes easier these days because you’ve moved on with ease, without so much as a look back to let me know that you remember the good times:

The absence of: arguments and hard feelings, the yelling and screaming, the refusal to understand and find meaning in what the other has said…

You’ve moved on with ease, with a look in your eyes that says:

"It’s easier to remember the bad than the good because that’s all we’ve known.”

Frustration comes easier these days knowing I settled, letting myself get comfortable with the idea of having someone simply because I refused to be alone…

Only to realize later that I’ve prolonged the arrival of the man God’s already hand-picked for me.

 

When I wrote this back in 2003, I’d reached my breaking point. I was tired. I was tired of compromising everything I believed in, tired of settling, tired of being disappointed, and tired of disappointing God. And I broke.

Looking back, being broken was the best thing for me because it forced me back into the hands of the God who could fix me. But I don’t want you to get to that point. I don’t want you to be broken like I was. I don’t want you to be so engrossed in a relationship that you have no business in, that you miss seeing the man God has already chosen for you. I don’t want you to get so lost in your emotions that you miss or delay being found.

I did that. And it was a horrible feeling.

But by the grace of God, my story has a happy ending. Yours can too.

Being wrapped up in the wrong relationships, I literally did not see my husband though we stood in the same space – and on multiple occasions. He was right there and I missed him. BUT, when I surrendered, when I let go of the people and the feelings, the lies and unrealistic expectations; when I decided to put more effort into pleasing God rather than maintaining a tainted relationship, I met him. I am experiencing God’s best – and I want that for you too.

But will you let go?

 

*This post contains copyrighted material

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